Joy

Joy... that is what I have felt this week.

For some reason, I have just felt so happy and so full of joy this week. I had felt happy... but not joyful (there is a difference) since I was home over break... but finally this week, my joy has come back. I feel like I am learning so much and God is just teaching me continuously. I have come to the realization that there are just things that I cannot change no matter what. Period. And I have come to learn and accept that and move on. And it's ok! Are things always the way I want them to be? Psh. Of course not. That's the result of living in a broken world.

But I think the reason my joy has come back... is because I finally stopped filling my mind with things that I couldn't change... and instead, have been spending time each morning with the Lord through reading the Bible and praying before classes. And I'm telling you... what a difference that makes. My whole mindset is set on Him throughout the day, not on me and my worries or disappointments or even my homesickness. (Is that a word?? ha) God has provided me with so many people and blessings that my heart is just... full.

Last semester was my hardest semester... and yet this semester, even though I have the biggest course load, has been so wonderful. I love my classes, my friends, spending more time with my Savior... and finally, finally surrendering everything to Him. and saying, "Your will be done." and I mean it. Because as someone once told me... "There is no better place to be than in the center of God's will." It can be sooo hard to believe that especially when you're in an uncomfortable, and difficult place. But it's true. The things God teaches you are worth it, even if getting to that realization takes a lot of tears and questions. It's so worth it. God has shown me so much this year; selflessness being a constant theme. And wow... that is definitely a hard thing to be taught... and trust me, I'm still learning. I was so stubborn at first. But God is day by day, taking the mess that I am and the part of me that wants to focus on myself and my wants... and is teaching me how to be selfless; the way He Himself was that way when He came to earth. He came to serve... He came to LOVE... even if He didn't get that love in return... I mean, He loved the ones that put Him to death! I can't imagine...

The Christian walk is definitely a roller coaster ride. Parts of it are fun and exciting and you know what's going to happen next... and then all of a sudden you get thrown a curve, or you end up going upside down and experiencing something totally unexpected, and you have no idea what's next... and all you can do is trust. But what a wonderful ride it is.

And it's one that I am so glad to be on.