"In her eagerness to SERVE Jesus, she almost missed the opportunity to KNOW Jesus."

As I mentioned in my previous post, I am reading a book called, "Having a Mary heart in a Martha world." When I read a book like this, i cannot read without a pen or highlighter in hand to mark the lines or points that I want to remember. For me, writing helps me 'hash things out' so to speak. So I am going to be going through the points in this book that hit me and writing about them.

"In her eagerness to serve Jesus, she almost missed the opportunity to KNOW Jesus."

Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm really busy ALL the time, doing a million things, trying to serve or help in some way. And when I read this quote, I read it several times, and reflected on my own life. I do want to serve Jesus. But when that is ALL we are focusing on, when we can't say no and we're running around like chickens with our heads cut off, we miss sitting at His feet and getting to better know the One who we desire to serve.

This summer has been difficult for me, because of the fact that for most of it, I wasn't home, and therefore was not the previously mentioned headless chicken. :) But, I see that it was good for me. I relaxed. I spent time reading the Word (not as much as I should) and just having quiet moments to pray and spend time with Him. Being at the stage of life that I am in, without a full time job, not knowing what's next for me, it's been good to have this time of quiet. I definitely need to be focusing my time on spending TIME with Him, not just doing "stuff" for Him.

It is great to serve. But remember that it's also ok to say no. (Something that is taking me a very long time to learn and I am still constantly learning it!) God will give us plenty of opportunity to serve Him if we ask for the chance to do so, but He also wants us. Our hearts. Our attention. Our affection. He desires for a relationship with us. We can't have a relationship with someone we are too busy to talk to. We can't have a relationship, not a good one anyway, with someone we always put off spending time with until "tomorrow."

Be reminded for a minute, how big it is to know that Jesus wants a relationship with US. That's huge! Serve Him boldly and show others the love of Jesus. But make sure that you are daily making time to just sit at His feet, and get to know Him more intimately and in a deeper way. The more we spend time with Him, the more we experience His grace and love, the more we will be able to serve others and show the same grace and love to them as well.

It's hard to give something that you haven't allowed yourself the time to receive. So receive the love of Jesus. Get to know Him more and more. And be amazed at the change He makes in your life.

Have hope...for Sunday's Comin'!

I'm reading this book called, "Having A Mary Heart In A Martha World." This book is incredibly challenging and full of lessons and reminders that someone like me, who is constantly busy, needs to hear. I read the eighth chapter of this book tonight. My phone was off, the house was all to myself, all I heard was quiet...a rare thing! This chapter really challenged me and made me see the love of God in a new way. It was about Lazerus, and how Jesus and him were close friends. Mary and Martha (Lazerus’ sisters) wanted Jesus to come when Lazerus was sick, and he ended up dying. From our human eyes, we can't see or understand, as I'm sure Mary and Martha didn't understand, why He wouldn't come. He heard the news of his friend's illness and didn't leave to see him for 2 more days. Why would he do that? His sisters knew that He could heal him. They had faith that He was able… of course for those of us who know the story, we know that Jesus ended up bringing Lazerus back to life. God had a plan in it all. The waiting… he wanted the women to trust Jesus, to know that He was able to bring him back. Sometimes the Lord wants us to wait. And wait, and wait and wait. It’s not because He’s too busy. It’s not because He doesn’t care. But it’s in the waiting that makes us cling to Him! It’s in the waiting, that time in between where we really have to choose Who or what we will trust.

God's ways are not our own! He sees the big picture that we cannot see. It grieves the Lord to see us hurt, but He KNOWS what He's doing! He is taking every aspect of our life, every broken piece, every hurt piece, and turning it into a beautiful thing... "for the good of those that love God."

"Tragedy may come. So will the darkness. But triumph is waiting just around the corner.

It may be Friday, but Sunday's comin'."

What a great way to put it! Friday, the day of Jesus’ death. Who could have possibly thought that anything good would come from that day?! No one! All anyone could do was focus on what they had lost. The pain that they felt… but soon enough, Sunday came and Jesus was alive! He was raised from the dead and they could see the good that came from Friday’s tragedy! It may be Friday or Saturday in our lives…it may be for more then 3 literal days, it may be years. But Sunday will one day come! It may not be til we see Jesus face to face, it may be moments from now. But God is going to use our hurts and confusions and pain and show us that He had a plan all along!

Take creation for example. Adam and Eve sin in the garden… a BAD thing! They were separated from Jesus and banned from Eden. But that is how the Lord’s plan of redemption was started. God used something horrible and turned it into the greatest story ever told. “What Satan intends for evil, God still turns for good.” Max Lucado says, “the moment the forbidden fruit touched the lips of Eve, the shadow of a cross appeared on the horizon.” God had a plan.

So whatever it is we are facing in our lives, whether it’s Friday, Saturday, or Sunday… God has a plan. God has an amazing story for our lives. He most likely won’t share it all at once, it may only be a page at a time. We’ll have to wait. Sometimes the waiting will be hard, and we won’t understand. But that’s because we haven’t finished reading our story yet. Be patient. He is the Author. We can trust Him and His ways. We can trust Him and His love. Rest in Christ and Christ alone. Nothing is too big or messy for God to make it into something good and beautiful.

Trust God with your story. With your life. He is good.

And Sunday’s comin’.

Home, growing up, and God's faithfulness

I haven't written in forever. I miss it. I'm not even sure what will come of this late night blog as I am feeling myself getting sleepier by the minute, but we'll see what happens.

The whole month of July pretty much, I got to spend at home, in New Jersey. I can't even begin to describe how wonderful and refreshing and encouraging it was to be home. Every time I'm there, I question why I'm deciding to stay in GA... and then I come to GA and I know that this is where I'm supposed to be, at least for now. I am a person whose friendships mean the absolute world to her. And so, every single day at home was pretty much jam packed full of fun and people, who I miss so much when I'm here in GA.

This whole college graduate thing is kinda harder than I thought it would be. Especially since so much of what I personally had "planned" isn't happening. I'm not one of the hundreds of girls graduating with a fiance. I'm not a full time teacher yet, even though I wish I was. All my plans are seeming as though they are not God's. And let's be honest... that is so frustrating. Our plans are rarely His and I'm learning that more and more. But I am so blessed that I can look back on my life and see lots of times where my plans weren't His... and yet I can see now that time has passed, why certain things have happened, why they didn't happen my way, and how faithful God has been through it all.

There are things that I wish were different. There are things that I wish God would explain or that He would just audibly come to me and say, "This is my will for your life." I don't think that will happen though. (not saying it couldn't) I think God wants us to not have the "easy way" out so to speak. He doesn't want to come shout in a loud audible voice. That would be easy. He wants us to quiet our hearts before Him, to listen for that still small voice of His. And right now, all I seem to be hearing is, 'Be still, and know that I am God.' I know that the Lord my God is faithful, and that I can rest in Him. And that even though in my head, my plans seem to be best - I know that His plans for me are far greater than I can imagine right now. So, I'm choosing to be still. I'm choosing to rest in the fact that He is God and I am not. I am thanking Him for the time at home that I did get, and not mourning over the days that I am not there. He has been so good to me, and when things get out of our comfort zone or we realize we aren't in control, it's so easy to lose sight of that. But as I sit here, in the quietness of this night, I can look back and see countless times where the Lord carried me through times I thought I'd never get through; times where I pushed Him away because of my anger and confusion as to why certain things were happening. I see the times He carried me through struggle, and joys, and I am sitting here, realizing how incredible it is that I know this God so personally. That I have a relationship with this Jesus who cares about my every need and desire... who will not leave or abandon me, who will be there with me and reveal His will to me at the exact moment I need to know. The God who cares enough about me to not let me go the "easy way."

And after realizing all of this, and remembering just how big my God is... it has yet again put a passion in my heart to share the love of this wonderful God of mine to those He chooses to put in my life. THAT is why I'm here. THAT is His ultimate will for me, and I know that He will continue to be faithful, He will continue to guide and direct my steps, and I will continue to be blessed by this amazing God that I serve.

Time Uninterupted

I'm sitting here, looking out at nothing but mountains as the sun is about to set, with my cell phone actually OFF, which is quite a rare occurance. I feel like there are so many thoughts running through my head that I'm not sure where I should even start.

Do you ever feel like things are going great and then all of a sudden, God so clearly says soemthing to you and you're awestruck that you hadn't noticed it before? Well, that happened to me this week.

I am someone who loves to be around people. I love encouraging others and I love pointing them towards God, reminding them how much their Savior loves them and longs to spend time with them. This summer however has been a hard one for me because I feel like I haven't been able to fellowship with others. The people I have spent the most time with, have been under the age of ten. It's been tough. And then this week, I was in my car by myself...and God just spoke to me, saying, "Stacy, you love to encourage others to spend time with me...to remind them how much I long to spend time with them. So why don't you listen to your own words? You've spent so much time and energy making sure everyone's relationship with me is ok...(something I can completely do without you!) yet you have forgotten about OUR relationship. You've forgotten that I don't need you... i CHOOSE to use you. So turn off your phone. Turn off your computer. Go to a quiet place and meet with me. I have missed you greatly!"

I began to realize this week how much I have missed spending time, true uninterupted time, with Jesus. To the point where it actually brought me to tears. God doesn't need me to make sure everyone is ok, or to make sure that the whole world is encouraged! He's quite capable of doing that on His own. However, if I'm to use my gifts that He has given me, in the way He wants me to use them I first have to be filled by Him. Because I can't give if I've not first allowed myself to receive. I love how God uses people. But isn't it nice to know that He doesn't NEED us? That He is perfectly capable of doing things without us... but He CHOOSES to use us... which means, whether we mess up or not, God is still in control! But I love that by His grace, he allows us to be a part of His plans, He allows us to be a light in the lives of others.

And I am so glad that He spoke to me that day in the car. I kept putting my relationship with Christ on hold. And I've realized that if I want to help and love and encourage...I first need to come to the feet of my Savior and drink deeply of Him so that an overflowing stream can pour into the lives of the friends God has placed in my own life. I thik that will be so much better...than if I try to do those things within my own ability and strength. So i'm going to make it a point to start each day, reminding myself of His love and grace by spending time alone with Him...so that I can truly show that same love and grace to others.

And tonight, I did just that. All distractions were gone. I spent time with Jesus. I read my Bible, I journaled, I read a book about the amazing love of my Savior.

And I was encouraged. I was refreshed. I was filled. And as I read tonight, "We are filled so that we can be spilled."

Allow Jesus to truly fill you... so that you can show the same love and mercy of Jesus that you have been given by Him, to the people He has put in your life. We must be filled so that we can be spilled... this world needs the good news of Jesus so badly. So let's live our lives in a way that shows we truly know His joy and peace.

The Beauty of A Promise

About a week ago or so, I was outside walking with my friend at this outdoor concert in Chattanooga. We were walking and all of a sudden it started to rain... which it seems like it has been doing EVERY day this summer! The clouds were dark and it looked pretty bad...but after about 15 mintues or so, I look up, and see this gorgeous rainbow spreading across the sky!

I have always loved seeing rainbows. And one thing that I love, probably the thing I love the most... is that they are so full of beauty...and yet they always come after the rain. God used the rainbow as a sign, as a reminder, that He is faithful and He is good. And I think it's no mistake, that He reminds us of this after a storm comes. He uses a rainbow after the storm, to remind us, that the difficult times in our lives, will not go on forever, they will eventually end and beauty will come. Some storms are rather difficult and last a long time, while others, though hard to bear, only last a little while. But no matter what the storm or trial or test we are having to go through... a rainbow will always come. God will always show up. He will bring beauty from pain and will pick up the brokenness of our lives and make us whole again. He is good.

So be encouraged my friends, that no matter what storm in life we are facing... that our Savior promises the rain will end, and the rainbow will come. We will be able to look at our lives and see that He has been faithful, that He has never left our side, and that we are actually stronger now because of the storms we have faced.

Keep searching for the "rainbow" admist the clouds... you will see it eventually. And may that promise of His faithfulness draw you ever closer to Him, and may He receive glory that He is due. For our God is a God that is beyond our understanding... and yet He is a God that wants to know each one of us so intimately. He knows what He is doing with our lives... so let's trust Him... through the rain, through the clouds, and through the beauty of His promise in the rainbow.

The sun after the rain

Today was just a typical day. I had the day off and was set to get a whole bunch of things accomplished (none of which has happened, but the night is still young, right?!) The later on it became, the darker it got outside. Big grey clouds came overhead, soon the thunder began, and then in a few minutes it was as if the heavens just opened up and started pouring right here on the mountain.

It lasted about 10 minutes. I thought it was going to last throughout the night it was so bad. But then... the rain lifted, the clouds moved, and the sun started to peek out. At one point there was rain and sun at the exact same time.

And it got me thinking.

There are storms that we have in life... they come unexpectedly sometimes. We sometimes think they'll last briefly, while others seem to never give in. The rain just keeps pouring and we don't know how much more we can take without feeling like we're drowning in it. We feel like we are outside, with nowhere to go, no shelter from this storm that has come without welcome. But today... the sun came out. The sun came out so much sooner than i thought it would. It came when I wasn't expecting it to. At one point it came while there was still some rain.

Life is like that. Sometimes we get bombarded with rain and thunder and the silly thing is... we're standing outside in it, getting drenched and in danger of the lightening that surrounds us. We have such an obvious option... we try to see how much we can take outside on our own... forgetting that we have Shelter that awaits us. A place to go to be comforted, to be shielded through the storm. Our Shelter is our Father. The sun that comes after our storm, is the lessons we learn through it. It's the falling on our knees completely broken realizing that He is the One we truly must cling to during the storm. We can't be outside trying to act as if we are ok and we can handle it on our own. You get sick staying out in the rain. You get wet and tired and hungry if you stay out too long. No, we MUST go in for Shelter. And even when those storms in life are so bad and it's even a little scary when we are in Shelter... remember, the storm can't make you come outside. We are safe in our Savior's arms. No matter how frightening or horrific the storm... we are nowhere near danger if we run to our Savior for help.

So whatever storms you may be facing... don't handle them on your own. Don't wait outside pretending you have the strength to wait it out. No... run quickly to saftey. Run quickly to shelter.

Run quickly to Jesus... watch the storm from that place of security. And know that there's no better or safer place you could be... then in the arms of the One who will make the sun come out again.

Abba

15For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." -Romans 8:15

This part of Romans chapter 8 talks about us being heirs with Christ, and how we no longer live for the flesh but for the Lord. "Abba" is an intimate word for "Father." I love that there are so many names for God and that's why I've decided to try to focus on one a day, to think through what it means and how it impacts my relationship with Him. Knowing that God is also "Abba," is a very comforting thing. It shows that God is not a far away God, but a close, intimate God to whom we can cry out to in our fear and distress. When you really think about it, God could easily, if He wanted to, be a far away God that didn't lovingly care for His children who are sinful and who mess up again and again. But that's not the God we serve. That is not Abba. Abba is our Father! Sometimes it's hard to think of God as a Father because we compare Him to our earthly fathers. But Abba is a Father unlike anyone we could ever know on Earth. He loves us more than we could know. I'm so glad that God is a personal, intimate God; a God that by him I can cry, "Abba, Father!"

Overwhelmed with Thankfulness

A dear friend and I have been reading a chapter a day of this particular book by Max Lucado and it's called, "He Chose The Nails." Each chapter, it talks about a different part of that horrible day, one chapter talks about God's promise to us in the nails, in the crown of thorns, in the cross, etc. It's a book that I read before in highschool, however, I love re-reading books, especially a book like this, and seeing how much more it means to you, how much you have grown in your understanding of who God is and what He's done for you. And I love that with Jesus, we're never done growing. There's always more to read, to learn, to pray, to strive for.

I just found out I'm going to be able to be a long term (6-8 wks) 2nd grade sub at a school nearby. I'm soo incredibly grateful for this. But before, I was antsy, nervous and questioning if God really knew what he was doing with my life... not literally, I mean I know that He is good and has a plan... but I was completely questioning a) when was he going to provide for me like he said he will? and b) why am I here this summer and not at home? It's amazing and yet sad, how my trust in Him goes wayyy up when things start to go "my way." My trust in Him needs to be absolute, regardless of whether my timeline is being fulfilled. God is GOD. He is powerful, loving, sovereign and as little and insignificant as I am, somehow and for some reason, He wants to know me. So much so, that He had His Son die for me. Why don't I trust Him better? I am sure that it's a part of the fact that we are sinful; we are flawed and broken and we find it hard to trust in Someone who we can't physically see, especially when we are impatient and wanting things done at a certain time.

But praise Jesus, that even though I mess up a thousand times a day, He still loves me. His grace for me (and you!) is neverending; it's limitless. No matter how many times we fall down, He is right there to pick us back up again. No one in this world loves us like He does. No one else in this world can comfort us, bring us joy and peace, like He does. So let's trust Him. Let's remember that even when things are hazy and we can't really see what's going on, that He is our guide. Give him the "driver's seat" so to speak and trust that He knows where He's going with your life. Because when you do, when you completely surrender and tell Him that you trust in His unfailing love, it's amazing how much at peace you are. Because you know your life is in the hands of the One who created your life in the first place.

And isn't that the best place it could be?

Take my life and let it be...

Take my life and let it be
Consecrated, Lord, to Thee;
Take my hands and let them move
At the impulse of Thy love.

Take my feet and let them be
Swift and beautiful for Thee;
Take my voice and let me sing,
Always, only for my King.

Take my lips and let them be
Filled with messages from Thee;
Take my silver and my gold,
Not a mite would I withhold.

Take my moments and my days,
Let them flow in endless praise;
Take my intellect and use
Every pow’r as Thou shalt choose.

Take my will and make it Thine,
It shall be no longer mine;
Take my heart, it is Thine own,
It shall be Thy royal throne.

Take my love, my Lord, I pour
At Thy feet its treasure store;
Take myself and I will be
Ever, only, all for Thee.


This is a song that I have come to love... and something I've been thinking about recently is that my life is not my own. I'm heartbroken to be totally honest, about not living at home this summer. But if this is where God has me... then THIS is where I need to be. And I need to be joyful in it even though right here in this moment, I'd rather be somewhere else this summer.

"Take my will and make it Thine; It shall be no longer mine." -Wow! We sing words like this all the time, but how often do we sit back, really understand what we're saying and truly mean it?

I've also been reading Psalm 27 thanks to a friend who texted me a verse from there when I was having my graduation freak out moments. The last verse says, "Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." I am in the process of waiting for a lot; When is dad going to get a job? Will/When will I get a teaching job? What's my housing situation going to be for the summer and for next year? Are my parents going to be moving? So many questions with out answers and I sooo wish that I could just hear God's voice audibly and He would just tell me the answers!

But faith is trusting Him in the midst of the unanswered questions. My pastor once said, "Never mistake God's silence for His absense." How true. So. I'm going to have faith and be JOYFUL wherever the Lord puts me in this next phase of life. I'm going to try to reach out and share Him with whoever He puts in my path... and I'm going to remember that this earth is NOT our home. My true home in heaven awaits me, and this is where He has me now, to share His love with the world.

Not my will, Lord, but YOURS. May I receive it with joy, and know that Your will is the best place I could possibly be.

You Are Still God

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
And I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship!

We sang this song in church this morning... and it has quickly become one of my favorites. When I sit back and really take in what this song means, I can't help but share. In ALL of my life... no matter what is going on... In EVERY season; good, bad, hard, wonderful, exciting, or scary... Dad not having a job, me not knowing at all what next year will look like, friends leaving after graduation...EVERY season. Whatever the season is, He is still God! He is still the God that wakes me up every morning, the same God that I turn to when life is great, the same God that I know I can trust with my whole being. Whatever season we're in, we still have a reason to sing and worship Him!!

Why? Because we are HIS. Because we were lost and now are found. Because He is bigger than our problems and our worries and even though we rarely know what's going on - HE does. And we can rest in that. We have a reason to sing because of Who He is and because of who we now are in Him.

When we truly know and understand these truths, that is how we are able to sing in the darkest of times. That is how we are able to worship Him when we are utterly confused. When we finally realize we have no control over our lives and are able to see that that is OK because we can trust His plans for us, even if we can't see them - we have a reason to worship our amazing God. We have many, many reasons to sing.

We have an incredible God who has given us life. Who has allowed us to live in light rather than the darkness that we once lived in.

Let's worship Him in every season, for all of our lives.

Mighty to Save

Ever since getting my car back from the place that repaired it after the tree fell on it, my radio/cd player has decided not to work. At the beginning when I first realized this, it was so frustrating! I am one who LOVES music and pretty much would always have it on in the car. However, recently, I started thinking that maybe this was a gift... time. Quiet. Time to spend with just Jesus and me. And I decided that when I was alone in the car, I would use it to pray, or to call friends who I know are going through hard times and try to encourage them and see how I can be praying for them.

Today on the way to church, I decided to pray for my unsaved friends. Five in particular are ones that the Lord has completely laid on my heart. I was praying as i was driving down the mountain. Praying that these five people would one day be with me in Heaven. That they would one day turn to Him and accept Him as their Savior. That He would use me as an instrument in their lives to show them His love and His truth.

Then when I went to church, we sang this song:

My Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of Salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave!

Whew! I needless to say (for any of you that know me) was crying when we sang this. The 20 minute drive to church I was praying that the Lord would save these people... and then we sang about how my God is MIGHTY to save! He can move whatever 'mountain's there are in their lives and He can save them! He is more than able. It was just so reassuring and comforting to know that my Jesus who conquered the grave, who save a sinner such as I, can also save these dear friends of mine as well.

God is so good. I think I'm going to enjoy having this alone time with just me and Him in the car. It's a great thing to do every now and then even if you do have a radio. Life is so busy. We can be so caught up in a million other things... but if Jesus isn't at the center, and if we don't take that personal alone time with Him, things can get really hard really fast. Spend time with Him today. Pray for people in your life who don't know him, even if you've been praying for them for years. Don't give up.

Because our God is MIGHTY to save.

Wait.

Waitby Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine
. . . and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."


-I came across this poem by one of my roommates' bed this morning. And I had to share it. How often is our timing the Lord's? Rarely! So many times He has asked me to wait. To wait for His answer and to trust that He would give me an answer eventually! When we are called to wait on Him, it causes us to seek His face every day, to be patient, to ask ourselves how much we truly trust our Savior. He won't leave us hanging. He will tell us what He wants us to know in HIS timing. Dad not having a job right now... we are waiting. Our lakehouse hasn't sold yet... we are waiting. I'm going to be applying for jobs as soon as next week and I'm sure... I will be waiting. Hopefully waiting patiently and contently, but due to the fact that I'm sinful and I want things my own way, I probably will wrestle with God a bit or question Him and His ways. But I know that the waiting for Him, trusting in Him, and seeking Him is going to just draw me ever closer to Him.

And if that be the end result of waiting, growing closer to Him, then waiting is actually a gift. Not an annoyance or something to get uspet about. But it's a gift. What in my plans could possibly give me something that's better than drawing closer to my Jesus?

Nothing. So let's wait. Let's wait patiently for His answers, and let's rejoice in the fact that through the waiting, He is drawing us to Himself and making us more like Him.

Enough

Tonight I went to a praise and prayer night at Calvary Chapel with my roommate Lauren. It was an amazing 2 hours and I could truly sense God there with us. We prayed for lots of things - Haiti, families in the church dealing with cancer, missions trips going out soon, and I prayed for people that I know do not know Christ.

When I think of these 5 people and how much they mean to me, how much I care about them, my heart literally hurts at the fact that they don't have the same hope, joy, peace and comfort that I do because Jesus is not yet their Savior. Key word... yet. I have to believe - and I do believe, that prayer is powerful. I pray for these people all the time, and I can't give up doing so. I hope and pray that my life is an example of what it means to follow the Lord with all your heart.

We started the evening by singing, "Enough." The lyrics say

'And all of You is more than enough for
All of me
For every thirst and
Ever need
You satisfy me
with your love
and all I have in You
is MORE than enough.'

The Lord is MORE than enough for me - I have everything I need. He has been teaching me so much recently, that He is all I need, that He will provide, that His timing is 100% perfect. I am relying on the Lord for a job, for a job for my dad, for Him to bring back a friend who has turned away from Him... all these things, things that are out of my control - I am daily laying them at the cross. These things along with the fact that I can't change hearts. I can't MAKE someone choose to accept Christ. My job is to show them Who He is by how I live my life. Daily giving these things to Him at His feet and trusting that He will take care of them - that is what He has been teaching me recently.

He is good. All the time.

truth and reminders

Today's Truth Psalm 23:1-6 (NIV) "The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." Friend To Friend "As I drove home from a busy day of running errands, my thoughts drifted to the absurd schedule through which I had hurled myself that day. It was a schedule without margins or boundaries, every moment assigned to something or someone. My stress level grew with every task, threatening to overwhelm my heart and soul in a torrential downpour of anxiety and tension. I couldn't wait to get home, change into my comfort clothes of sweatshirt and jeans and sink into solitude and rest. But stress was waiting to greet me, just inside my front door. Children needed clean clothes, hot food, transportation to various events, help with homework and a listening ear. My husband had experienced the same kind of chaotic day I had and was in desperate need of peace and quiet for his frazzled soul. Ah, life! Stress is a familiar and faithful companion, an unavoidable part of life. It doesn't matter where we work or live, whether we are married or single; have no children or dozens of them, are filthy rich or dirt poor. We will encounter stress as we strive to honor God by becoming His fully devoted followers. Unless we learn how to manage stress - God's way - we will become a sitting duck for the enemy. Stress management is a spiritual discipline. The truth of Psalm 23:1 is the starting place for dealing with stress. Life begins here - in a vital, personal relationship with the living, peace giving God. It is very frustrating to try living the Christian life when you are not one. I know. For years, I tried desperately to be a Christian, saved by knowledge and good works. It simply cannot be done. To know who we are, we must understand whose we are. I grew up in a Christian home, attending church every time the doors were open. I sang all the right songs, spoke all the right words and did all the right things. I prayed that my works would validate my faith and desperately hoped that by following the rules I would please the Ruler. It was not until middle school that the authentic life and spiritual integrity of a dynamic youth pastor made me hunger and thirst for God. During a Saturday evening worship service, I sat in a church pew, wrestling with God over my soul. After all, I was a very active church member, a soloist and pianist in worship services, and even directed a children's choir. I argued that I knew all about God - and then it hit me. Yes, I knew about Him but I did not know Him. That night we met. I surrendered all I knew about myself to all I knew about Him. The course of my life was re-set and I was changed forever. Over the years, there have been times when sin has hindered my relationship with God - but it has not and cannot sever that relationship. Nothing can separate us from His love. However, when we cherish and harbor sin, life inevitably spirals into a swirling cesspool of chaos where stress reigns and self-doubt flourishes. What a powerful promise found in 1 John 1:9, "If we confess our sin, He is faithful to forgive us our sin and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness". Every time I read that verse, I am amazed by the hope it conveys. When we confess sin, God not only forgives that sin but removes the stain it leaves behind. The stain of sin is one of Satan's favorite weapons. With it, he births guilt and shame, crippling us spiritually. When we buy into those lies, allowing them free reign, we are telling God that sending His son to die on the cross was not enough. I cannot even imagine what it must do to His heart, as He watches His children settle for so little when He offers so much. Knowing whose we are empowers us to live and serve from His love - not to it - and is the first key in dealing with stress. I have spent a great deal of my life wondering who and what I am. Much of my stress and frustration could have been avoided by understanding that my identity can only be found in a personal relationship with God... I am His sheep and He is my Shepherd. That knowledge frees me - to be me. Knowing whose we are brings peace and settles our souls. Today, sit at His feet. Allow Him to draw you into His arms. Listen to His heart and voice. And you will know that you belong to Him. Nothing else matters." A friend of mine emailed me this devotion that she had read this morning. How comforting to know and be reminded that we need to just be still and listen to His voice. "Be still and know that He is God." Just sit at the feet of your Creator. Come to Him with your worries. Your fears. Your frustrations. Your tears. Your joy. Your love. Your heart. Your life. Come to the Lord and seek HIS will for your life. Seek HIS peace that only He can give! Remember who you are... and WHOSE you are. If you have accepted Christ as your Savior - you are HIS child. There will be stresses in life. There will be difficulties and frustrations. Just today, I was feeling burdened for a friend and frustrated with the unknown - even though just THREE days ago I had written a note about surrender and control. I'm so "prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love. Take my heart, O, take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above." Forgive me for my unbelief as soon as things get hard. Rest in your Savior today. Give your stresses to Him and in return, take the PEACE that He gives you in it's place. Then sit at the feet of Jesus and revel in all that He is and all that He's done for you. Remember who you are. And remember WHOSE you are. Daughters and sons of the king. What could be greater than that?

Surrender and control

I've been thinking alot about what it means to truly surrender. Surrendering to God can be a hard thing to do. It means taking all our hopes and dreams, our whole lives, and placing them in the hands of One we cannot yet physically see. We like feeling like we are in control. But that step of faith of completely trusting the Lord is the best step I have ever made. I have a joy and peace within me that nothing in this world could possibly give me. I have surrendered my life to the One who created me and therefore knows me better than anyone. I have seen countless times how He has provided. Countless times how He has made messy situations beautiful again. But surrendering is not just a one time decision to make when you first accept the Lord as your Savior... it's a daily choice. It's waking up each morning and saying, "Ok, Lord. Whatever you have for me today is ok by me. Whether your plans are the same as mine or not. I'm trusting and surrendering and putting my life in your hands."

Wow.

I've also been thinking about control. It's something we all long to have, and when it's taken away, or really, when we realize we have control of so few things in our lives, it leaves us with an unsettling feeling. It's a feeling we are not comfortable with. One thing for me that the Lord has been teaching me so much about, is the fact that I am not in control. I can't control things - I'm a planner and so this is hard for me. I like to know exactly what's going to happen and when, and I like it to come with warning. Next year. I want to know if I'm going to get a job in Chattanooga, a place to live, a roommate. I want to know what next year looks like, and I can't. And so that's where surrendering comes in. And trust.

I also like being in control in the fact that I like to feel like I can "fix" things. People come to me with their problems and worries and I want to fix it. I want to take their pain away with a snap of my fingers and I can't. I hate that. In the past, I have made myself feel guilty if I tried to console someone about something and they still were feeling badly. How crazy is that?! I'm so glad the Lord has opened my eyes to see that it is NOT me who can do ANYTHING. I am simply a vessel that the Lord chooses to use at different times and I am so grateful. But He has finally made me see that it's not up to me to "fix" anything, but that it's up to me to point them to Him; our Healer, Father, and Savior. That is my job. It's not to "fix" things for people - but to lift them up in prayer, pray with them, and encourage them to look past their hurts, to the One who can take them away.

The Lord is so good and His plans are perfect. My job/place to stay/roommate situation is already figured out. I just don't know what it is yet. My friends have problems and situations that are heart breaking and there is nothing I can do about it to make the problems go away, except to love them, pray for them, and live my life in a way that makes them want to see why it is that I am able to have peace even in uncertainty, even in painful situations, even in difficult circumstances. Surrender and control. I realize I do not have the control I wish I had, but I surrender my life and my plans to the One who can truly "fix" broken hearts, and who has a plan for me that is far more amazing than anything I could ever have for myself.

I serve an incredible God. And I want to spend the rest of my life, in a daily posture of surrender to Him. And I know if I do, I will be blessed with far more than I could ever know or imagine. I will have a peace and joy that nothing else could ever give me. And it is my hope, that the people in my life would see that I will choose to trust the Lord no matter what. And that that trust and surrender they see in me, will cause them to fall on their knees and surrender to Him as well.

Fellowship - A Wonderful Thing

Fellowship. This is something that I haven't had quite as much of since student teaching began. But tonight, we got to celebrate one of our friend's birthdays with about 12 of the education girls who came to my house for pizza and brownies! We have all become so close through the past 2 years. But now with teaching, we never get to see each other. Tonight was just so... relaxing. It was sooo good talking with everyone, laughing til our stomachs hurt, talking about all our students, all the many MANY stories we now have even after just 4 weeks. Having fellowship with fellow Christians and fellow teachers. It was a wonderful night to catch up with friends, encourage one another, and to be reminded that we have an amazing support system in each other.

My Prayer For My Students

I've heard a lot about the home lives of my students. It is truly heartbreaking. However today, it hit me more than it had before. And I think the reason for it, is because today, I heard it from the mouth of one of my students; not my teacher. She was saying how her parents split up. And that unlike a lot of other people, she doesn't get to live with her mama. She hasn't seen her since she was 4. They had a fun day of shopping and eating, and then... that was it. She looked like she was about to cry - and so was I! I literally was silently praying that I wouldn't get visibly upset. And so today I decided that I was going to commit to praying for a couple students of mine a week. I don't know all the stories, but whether they're good or bad, I'm going to pray for each one.

Then today I heard this song at the gym... THIS is truly my prayer for them.

Oh Lord I come with heart here open,
For in my hour of darkness I’m in need.
Seeking the joy of love unspoken
Oh Lord, be Thou near to me.

And the holy voices sing “Hallelu!”
Ever will Thy reign be.
As I wander through this life,
Oh Lord, be Thou near to me.

Though In this burden of my making
Yet in the shadows still a light I see
Maker whose love is not forsaking
Oh Lord, be thou near to me

And the holy voices sing “Hallelu!”
Ever will Thy reign be.
As I wander through this life,
Oh Lord, be Thou near to me.


Lord, be with these students. "Be Thou near to them" and their families. Give them strength. And God, use me in whatever way you see fit, to shine Your light in their lives. Even if it is just a glimpse in the big picture, may they see You, and not me.

Thank you, for giving me the desire to teach. I can think of nothing else I'd rather do.

Sunsets and Teaching

So today was day #3 for student teaching. It was a good day.

I have memorized all 55 or so students' names and have been getting to know them better.

Tomorrow is Friday and we are having a pep rally. Teachers get to wear jeans and sneakers.

I get to actually start teaching on Tuesday.

We have a 3 day weekend thanks to Martin Luther King Day.

I got to see all 16 of my education friends today in our seminar class - we've missed each other a lot! You would have thought we hadn't seen each other in years.

A friend came over for dinner and we got to talk - of course it was all about our new students :)

And then on the way home from class, I saw the most beautiful sunset. And I was reminded that God has everything, my life, my dad's job, everything... in the palm of His hand. He gave me peace in that moment, and I was shown that the same God who puts the colors in the sky each day, will take care of me and my family. There's no reason to worry or fear.

It was a good day.

Walking By Faith...Not By Sight

Day by day, and with each passing moment,Strength I find to meet my trials here;Trusting in my Father's wise bestowment,I've no cause for worry or for fear. He, whose heart is kind beyond all measure,Gives unto each day what He deems best,Lovingly its part of pain and pleasure,Mingling toil with peace and rest.

Every day the Lord Himself is near me,With a special mercy for each hour;All my cares He fain would bear and cheer me,He whose name is Counsellor and Pow'r.The protection of His child and treasureIs a charge that on Himself He laid;"As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,"This the pledge to me He made.

Help me then, in every tribulation,So to trust Thy promises, O Lord,That I lose not faith's sweet consolation,Offered me within Thy holy Word.Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,E'er to take, as from a father's hand,One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,Till with Christ the Lord I stand.


We sang this hymn tonight in our evening service at church. I didn't want to leave... it was an amazing service all about God's providence, including the sermon this morning. It was all about walking by faith and not by sight, because when we walk by sight, we let our emotions and questions get the best of us. We take our circumstances and base God's goodness off of them rather than on the Bible and what it says about Him. I take the fact that I have no idea what's going on in my life when I graduate or where my parents will be 6 months from now, and get worried even though I know that I shouldn't be anxious and that I can cast my cares on Him.

Walk by faith and not by sight. Know that God is good and He is faithful. God will provide for whatever your needs are. But it will be in HIS timing, and not our own. And when we walk by faith, and trust in Him fully and absolutely... we are ok with that.

And we can have peace and joy... even in the unknown.