Surrender and control

I've been thinking alot about what it means to truly surrender. Surrendering to God can be a hard thing to do. It means taking all our hopes and dreams, our whole lives, and placing them in the hands of One we cannot yet physically see. We like feeling like we are in control. But that step of faith of completely trusting the Lord is the best step I have ever made. I have a joy and peace within me that nothing in this world could possibly give me. I have surrendered my life to the One who created me and therefore knows me better than anyone. I have seen countless times how He has provided. Countless times how He has made messy situations beautiful again. But surrendering is not just a one time decision to make when you first accept the Lord as your Savior... it's a daily choice. It's waking up each morning and saying, "Ok, Lord. Whatever you have for me today is ok by me. Whether your plans are the same as mine or not. I'm trusting and surrendering and putting my life in your hands."

Wow.

I've also been thinking about control. It's something we all long to have, and when it's taken away, or really, when we realize we have control of so few things in our lives, it leaves us with an unsettling feeling. It's a feeling we are not comfortable with. One thing for me that the Lord has been teaching me so much about, is the fact that I am not in control. I can't control things - I'm a planner and so this is hard for me. I like to know exactly what's going to happen and when, and I like it to come with warning. Next year. I want to know if I'm going to get a job in Chattanooga, a place to live, a roommate. I want to know what next year looks like, and I can't. And so that's where surrendering comes in. And trust.

I also like being in control in the fact that I like to feel like I can "fix" things. People come to me with their problems and worries and I want to fix it. I want to take their pain away with a snap of my fingers and I can't. I hate that. In the past, I have made myself feel guilty if I tried to console someone about something and they still were feeling badly. How crazy is that?! I'm so glad the Lord has opened my eyes to see that it is NOT me who can do ANYTHING. I am simply a vessel that the Lord chooses to use at different times and I am so grateful. But He has finally made me see that it's not up to me to "fix" anything, but that it's up to me to point them to Him; our Healer, Father, and Savior. That is my job. It's not to "fix" things for people - but to lift them up in prayer, pray with them, and encourage them to look past their hurts, to the One who can take them away.

The Lord is so good and His plans are perfect. My job/place to stay/roommate situation is already figured out. I just don't know what it is yet. My friends have problems and situations that are heart breaking and there is nothing I can do about it to make the problems go away, except to love them, pray for them, and live my life in a way that makes them want to see why it is that I am able to have peace even in uncertainty, even in painful situations, even in difficult circumstances. Surrender and control. I realize I do not have the control I wish I had, but I surrender my life and my plans to the One who can truly "fix" broken hearts, and who has a plan for me that is far more amazing than anything I could ever have for myself.

I serve an incredible God. And I want to spend the rest of my life, in a daily posture of surrender to Him. And I know if I do, I will be blessed with far more than I could ever know or imagine. I will have a peace and joy that nothing else could ever give me. And it is my hope, that the people in my life would see that I will choose to trust the Lord no matter what. And that that trust and surrender they see in me, will cause them to fall on their knees and surrender to Him as well.