Home, growing up, and God's faithfulness

I haven't written in forever. I miss it. I'm not even sure what will come of this late night blog as I am feeling myself getting sleepier by the minute, but we'll see what happens.

The whole month of July pretty much, I got to spend at home, in New Jersey. I can't even begin to describe how wonderful and refreshing and encouraging it was to be home. Every time I'm there, I question why I'm deciding to stay in GA... and then I come to GA and I know that this is where I'm supposed to be, at least for now. I am a person whose friendships mean the absolute world to her. And so, every single day at home was pretty much jam packed full of fun and people, who I miss so much when I'm here in GA.

This whole college graduate thing is kinda harder than I thought it would be. Especially since so much of what I personally had "planned" isn't happening. I'm not one of the hundreds of girls graduating with a fiance. I'm not a full time teacher yet, even though I wish I was. All my plans are seeming as though they are not God's. And let's be honest... that is so frustrating. Our plans are rarely His and I'm learning that more and more. But I am so blessed that I can look back on my life and see lots of times where my plans weren't His... and yet I can see now that time has passed, why certain things have happened, why they didn't happen my way, and how faithful God has been through it all.

There are things that I wish were different. There are things that I wish God would explain or that He would just audibly come to me and say, "This is my will for your life." I don't think that will happen though. (not saying it couldn't) I think God wants us to not have the "easy way" out so to speak. He doesn't want to come shout in a loud audible voice. That would be easy. He wants us to quiet our hearts before Him, to listen for that still small voice of His. And right now, all I seem to be hearing is, 'Be still, and know that I am God.' I know that the Lord my God is faithful, and that I can rest in Him. And that even though in my head, my plans seem to be best - I know that His plans for me are far greater than I can imagine right now. So, I'm choosing to be still. I'm choosing to rest in the fact that He is God and I am not. I am thanking Him for the time at home that I did get, and not mourning over the days that I am not there. He has been so good to me, and when things get out of our comfort zone or we realize we aren't in control, it's so easy to lose sight of that. But as I sit here, in the quietness of this night, I can look back and see countless times where the Lord carried me through times I thought I'd never get through; times where I pushed Him away because of my anger and confusion as to why certain things were happening. I see the times He carried me through struggle, and joys, and I am sitting here, realizing how incredible it is that I know this God so personally. That I have a relationship with this Jesus who cares about my every need and desire... who will not leave or abandon me, who will be there with me and reveal His will to me at the exact moment I need to know. The God who cares enough about me to not let me go the "easy way."

And after realizing all of this, and remembering just how big my God is... it has yet again put a passion in my heart to share the love of this wonderful God of mine to those He chooses to put in my life. THAT is why I'm here. THAT is His ultimate will for me, and I know that He will continue to be faithful, He will continue to guide and direct my steps, and I will continue to be blessed by this amazing God that I serve.