Peace that I long for...

Today in church the sermon was about peace. And how we all need to have peace; it's a gift from God and we need to embrace it and allow it to rule our hearts.

Seems easy enough, right? Yet, I have been struggling and wanting so desperately to have this peace all semester long. Our pastor today said that if we were to take a survey in this room, most people probably weren't feeling peaceful this morning. Because most of us let situations and circumstances in our lives determine whether or not we have peace. I have definitely allowed situations to do that in my life.

This has been the hardest semester and it seemed like God just threw everything in my face at once; all the lessons I had to learn, all the things He's been teaching me over and over again that finally He did it in such a way that has been good for me, I know... but has left me feeling... just so tired.

I know everything I've learned this semester has been for my good, and that no matter where life takes me to, away from, towards, that because I have Christ, I am ok. I know that. with my head. as well as my heart. which is so good.

But I think that is why i was so incredibly anxious to come home. Home to a place where I feel more loved than ever. Home to a place where I am most comfortable and the familiarity of faces and places and smells just make me smile. I am so happy here. I feel at peace here. But see, this is where I need to pray. I need to pray that I have peace no matter where I am. No matter what is going on around me... good things, bad things, etc. I need this peace everywhere, all the time.

So I prayed. I prayed with tears in my eyes that I would be at peace with everything going on in my life... school, friends, grades, family, everything. I haven't felt this close to God in a long time. I know without a doubt that my God is faithful and that everything is done with my best interest at heart. So while this has been quite a difficult semester, I wouldn't take it back. I am learning and growing every day, through every situation that comes my way. and that. that is what life is all about. being broken, and messed up and seeing that we are absolutely nothing without our Savior.

It's hard to be broken.

It's hard to realize how sinful you are.

It's hard to always understand God's plan for you.

But all these things are needed to learn and grow in Christ.

I am broken. But I am loved by my Jesus. and every day He is taking that brokenness and making me whole. Everything else pales in comparison to that.