Enjoying every moment

So I have been back to school now for over a week, and classes start tomorrow. This year has already been... well, better then words can say. I've learned a lot recently and have learned that God's timing is by far, better than our own. You may be praying and praying for God to relieve some situation or pain or sadness you're going through.. and sometimes it may feel as though He's not answering or listening. But HIS timing is perfect! There are things I've prayed for that seriously seemed to last forever... but I've come to see that if I hadn't experienced it for as long as I did, I wouldn't have learned as much!

This year has already been full of blessings. The people I live with are absolutely amazing. We are going to do a house bible study and I'm so excited. My goal is to get involved in a lot this year. I didn't do near as much last year as I now wish I had... like going to Kilter, soccer games, etc. I just want to enjoy it and spend it with as many people as possible and just enjoy every moment God's giving me here. I'm so excited to see what this year unfolds. What challenges I'm faced with and how I overcome them. How my relationship with God grows. How my relationships with people deepen. Learning to be the best teacher I can be and one that shows Christ to her students the best she can.

I'm so excited for this year.

a cluster of emotions

That is what I'm feeling right now.

This has by FAR been the most incredible, blessing-filled, friendship based, encouraging summer I've had in my life.

So the fact that I'm leaving here in 6 short hours, is really hard. Harder than usual.

I'm excited to see friends, to get in a routine, to see where God takes me this year. But I hate the fact that I'm going to be missing everything going on here. God blessed me with some of the most Christ-centered friendships I've ever had; we've laughed together, cried together, prayed for and with each other... It's truly been wonderful.

With trials comes blessings, and I have seen this first hand. God is good. God has a purpose and plan and I've seen that so much this summer over these past couple months.

But now is a new chapter; senior year - student teaching, living in a house, helping to plan weddings, applying for teaching jobs, seeing where my parents will be (Arizona?) there's a lot of unknowns right now and it's starting to hit me. But I'm also trying to make sure that with those uncertainties that I stay grounded in my walk with the Lord. Because fear can SO easily slip into our lives when we are uncertain, and I don't want that to happen. I want to trust and have peace that my Father knows what He's doing with me and my life! And that these truly wonderful sisters that I have at home, will stay my sisters and our friendships will grow no matter where I am or what I do.

I am humbled and amazed at how big and loving my God is. And I can't wait to see what He has in store for me.

Inadequacy and unexpected blessings

This summer has been full of wonderful, unexpected blessings. I really needed this. And am so grateful to God for all He's done for me these last few weeks.

This week in particular was very special. From Monday-Thursday I went on a retreat with the middle schoolers I've been working with this summer. I had 2 girls the night before we left, both 6th graders, text me and ask if I could be the leader in their room. And I was. Each day started at 7:30am for breakfast and went non-stop til about 11:30 at night for bed! There was a climbing wall, a zip line, a "giant ladder and giant swing," archery, kickball, soccer, dodgeball, volleyball, 4 square, swimming, the list goes on! Needless to say it was a physically exhausting trip! While we were there we had 4 sessions together where we met to study the Bible together. Since we had 4 sessions and there are 4 chapters in Philippians, Andrew (the Middle School pastor) decided to study a chapter per session - and it was amazing. This age is SO crucial to have a solid foundation for your faith. The first night was just an intro to the week and the book of Philippians in general, so the girls in my room asked me that night if we could read Chapter 1 together and discuss it before we studied it more in depth the next day - 11 year olds!! :) I was so thrilled!!

Each day from lunch until dinner we had free time to do whatever. So Wednesday, our last day there, I wrote notes to the 2 girls that were in my room and just told them how much I have loved getting to know them, what blessings they have been to me, and encouraged to keep on seeking Christ in their lives. Well, I had no idea what the result of that would be. They read them as we were packing and getting ready for bed - and both of them completely broke down crying, because I am leaving them to go back to school in 10 short days. It was absolutely the saddest yet most unexpected part of the trip. I had no idea I had become so dear to them as they had become to me. I mean this was at least a half an hour of me trying to assure them that even though I may not be there physically, they can call me anytime, email me anytime, that I'll be sure to see them when I'm home, etc. These girls put their trust in me and came to love me just like I came to love them in these last couple months. I had no idea it would be so hard for them.

This job was kind of last minute and I had no idea if I'd get it or not. But all these little details kept working out so that it did! And I am so grateful. I knew I would enjoy this job a lot, but had no idea what God had in store. I felt so inadequate - all I knew was that I had leaders when I was younger who made tremendous impacts on me, and if I could impart a little knowledge and try to make some friendships with some kids, then that would be great!

These kids are dealing with a lot right now... middle school is just hard. But I was able to relate a lot to what they're going through. Lots of them go to public school so the world is right in their face at such a young age.

They get made fun of for their faith. Check.

They deal with temptations every day. Check.

They have friends who have hurt them. Check.

They want to show people the love of Christ, but it's hard, especially when you feel like you're the only Christian in your school. Check.

All these things I have dealt with at one point or another, and they know that. And I'm so glad that I was able to share my own experiences with them, and different lessons I've learned through those times. It has definitely been the most amazing and rewarding job I've ever had and I will never forget it. Or these beautiful girls I have come to love so much.

65.

This is my 65th post since I started blogging back in October. (Thanks jill!) As I look back and see what I've written over this past year, allow feelings of this past year to resurface, and become reminded yet again, just what God has taught me, it encourages me to think about the future... some is a little nerve racking, because often when God tries to teach us things, He allows different pain or trials to come into our lives; but I see that it is only to draw us nearer to Himself. And if that be the result, than any pain or trial should be worth it.

The past few days I have been able to spend precious time with precious people, and it saddens me to think that I will be leaving them in a mere 13 days from now. These people have challenged me, prayed for me this year at school as well as this summer, and have been more like sisters to me than anyone! They all hold a special place in my heart, and whatever job or move that may be happening with my family in the near future, I have peace. Peace that these few sisters in Christ and I have a bond that will surpass any amount of distance that is put between us.

On another note, my friend from NYC came down yesterday and went to church! I can't even put into words how great it was to see him enjoy church so much and I just hope and continue to pray that He will one day make a decision to give his life over to Jesus.

And tomorrow, I am going on a 3 day retreat with the middle schoolers that I've been working with all summer! I can't wait to spend this quality time with these amazing girls. I have enjoyed this job so much, and leaving them too, will be difficult.

There is much to look forward to, much to be in prayer about, and much to rejoice in. This has been one of the best summers I've had in quite a while, and I am just so thankful for the people God has blessed me with. But I am also thankful for what God has been teaching me, how He has challenged me, and how He has shown me again and again that I need to rely on Him and Him alone. At church we ended the service with this song, and it really touched my heart. This is what I want my life to be. This is what we are here for.

Let your love flow through me
Let your love flow through me
Let your love flow through me
Jesus

Let your love flow through me
So that others may see
That You alone are God.

I hope and pray that others will see His love in me. That I would become less and He would become more. That I would rest in Christ alone. And that my life would be one of service to Jesus.