Change

Pretty much anyone who knows me, knows that change is not a word that I am a big fan of. It takes me a while to see change as having the possibility to be a positive thing. Although sometimes, change just stinks all the way around and there's nothing you can do about it. Me and 2 girls... my closest friends at school... are going on a roadtrip after graduation. Awesome right?! Yes and no. I've been wondering recently why I wasn't more excited about it every time someone mentioned it. And I've finally figured out that it's because they are seniors. and the road trip marks our last 'hurrah' so to speak, before they leave, and i stay at school for another year. I get teary-eyed just typing it. One girl I have known/became best friends with the end of my freshman year. And the other one is my roommate. Every day is filled with laughter to the point of tears, little nightly traditions, and Friday night pizza. As much as they are excited to graduate, (and yes i am excited for them!) I almost in a way, don't want the roadtrip to be here. Because I know it will mark a huge change in my life here at school. I know it will be SO fun and we have plenty of time before it comes, but I think that's why I hadn't been feeling as excited as the others. I need to constantly be reminded that God has not just put these girls in my life temporarily, because I truly believe that these are friends for life. And I know our friendships will continue to grow way after they leave in May. But it will be weird not running to them first thing when something happens, or going to them first when I'm upset, or have exciting news to share. Granted, they'll be the first ones I call...but it's not the same.

But while change can sometimes be scary, God is a God of consistency, One who never changes no matter what situations around me may change. And so I will cling to the hope that I have in Christ, and enjoy each day that I have with these girls and others who are leaving. As much as it stinks being sad about graduation, it reminds me of how blessed I am. How blessed I am to have friends that mean so much to me, that thinking about Covenant without them is such a sad thought.

Anyway, you girls are probably the only ones who ever read this.

So know that I love you both, and am so grateful to call you my friends. <3

Thankful

Well the past 2 days have been a whirlwind of emotion...I woke up feeling better than yesterday - and then at night i got a phone call from my mom on my dad's cell phone...from the hospital. Mom's car is totaled and she was in such a bad accident she could have easily died. Yet she walked away with some scratches and head/neck pain, and a bump on her head. Praise God! As I talked to her and then to my dad on my phone, realizing I wasn't there was killing me; I wanted to go see her so badly in that moment. However, I started to cry tears of joy. I could not believe that I had come so close to losing my mom. I've seen people go through losing their moms... I'm so grateful to God for choosing to save her. It just kind of put things into perspective. Everyone says it, "life is so short." Or, "live everyday to its fullest." And I completely agree with that. But sometimes those sayings just get to be so repetitive and can easily lose meaning until you're face to face with it and you experience something like this. Words can't describe the feeling I felt when I heard what happened yet heard she was ok.

God is so good and I am such an unworthy recipient of his greatness.

Feeling Unsettled...

I hate the feeling of discontentment, of being unsettled. I have never had such a hard time coming back to school from break as I am having now...and I don't like it. I feel like I work so much when I'm at school and stress myself out to no end that 4 days just didn't cut it. I know I should be grateful that we got a break at all, and I am... but coming back is just really hard this time around. At home I have 2 new friendships that have truely blossomed into more of a sisterhood than a friendship and I spent every day with them when I was home... we laughed a LOT, took silly pictures, yet we also just sat down together and cried, and talked about our struggles and fears. It was such sweet time with these sisters in Christ.

I also miss my Amanda... I put her to bed my last night and was just praying that God would give her a long life ahead. Her condition is so rare, we really don't know when God will decide to take her... and as I sat there snuggling with her in her bed, I just started praying over her, and started to cry. I love this little girl so much.

I'm usually fine with being back once I'm actually back... but I barely got to see my parents at all because of business trips and them being out of town for more than half of it. and I won't see them at Thanksgiving and summer is already filling up quickly. Plus I found out my aunt/uncle are getting divorced which just totally sucks. I hate change, I hate what my aunt is having to go through and I hate seeing marriages end. I don't want to be discouraged about thinking about my own marriage one day - I don't like seeing so many marriages fall apart. I don't want that to happen to me. And I have so much work to get done, so much to do for classes before thanksgiving. But I miss the familiarity and comfort of home. I miss my parents and my friends. Hopefully this will just last a few days and i'll be back to normal soon... God is faithful and God is good and I know that He has amazing plans for me here - and I will continue putting my trust in that promise and in His unfailing love.

Well I'll stop ranting now... and start writing a paper. That's due tomorrow.

Just some thoughts...

I've been reminded over this break just how fallen and broken people truely are. I've been disappointed by a particular person and have cried with a family member over the phone. I've been able to see just how dark life can be when Christ is not in it. It's horrible. People can be so cruel and so hurtful. And as Christians it's so hard sometimes to see what God is doing amidst the pain; sometimes it's hard to be reminded that God is even there at all. However, circumstances can't change Who God is. God is faithful regardless of what we are facing at the time. He is there even when we push Him away or decide we want to do things our way. I've realized this weekend the importance of family - and how precious it is to me; my extended family in particular. We are rare in that we are all over the place geographically, but we are SO close relationally. God has really blessed me and has used this certain situation that has happened recently to remind me of that.

In other news... (ha jill) I have loved being home. I have loved taking a break from school and just spending time with precious friends, having good conversations, taking silly pictures, and just spending time together. It is a break that has been needed. I was starting to feel burnt out from writing papers, putting an insane amount of pressure on myself when it comes to studying for tests, etc. It's been nice to just relax and take a break from all of that. However I do miss my girls, and spending time with them at night laughing until my stomach hurts, watching Gilmore girls and just talking and being together. This has been a break of reflection and deciding to really try and not take this time that I have with these friends and family for granted; to realize that especially at school, I need to enjoy every day to the fullest with the people God has put in my life.

I am blessed, indeed.

My Longing

Hello! My roommate Jill helped me set this up (take a guess as to who came up with the website title??) I decided a lot of my friends were getting these and the more I thought about it, the more I wanted one too, so here it goes :)

At school, every education major has to take a special education class. Part of the class is being assigned to a special education classroom at local schools. You go for 3 hours and then write a reflective paper on it. Dr. Phillips is the lady that places us in different schools. She told us in class, that there was one teacher in a school nearby that wanted to have someone come on a weekly basis from 8-11. SO ... guess who got that spot? :)

Yesterday was my first week - and it took me approximately 3 seconds to fall in love with these children. All of them are mild to moderately mentally handicapped and there are 9 kids total. I absolutely loved my time there and was not wanting to leave when 11:00 came around. These special kids grabbed hold of my heart so quickly. One boy came up to me and gave me a picture that he colored for me. Another girl was having the HARDEST time writing the letter "y" and I got to help her - and she did it! Another girl has the brightest smile I've ever seen.

It is amazing to see how God directs and guides us in our lives. If I had never moved to Jersey, I never would have met Chris, the first special needs boy I've worked with... my church in GA didn't have a special needs ministry like my church at home does. The move that I thought was some sort of horrible punishment turned into the most wonderful blessing. God is so faithful.

My longing in life is to bring glory to Jesus... and my biggest passion is to do that partly by working with special needs children. There is just something about helping a child read for the first time, helping a girl write a letter that she's been struggling with, and watching her eyes get large in excitement over what she has just accomplished, seeing a little girl finally take her first steps at age 5... that just melts my heart, and lets me know that this is exactly what the Lord has called me to do.