"Broken & Beautiful"

And it’s beautiful, beautiful
Come as you are
Surrender your heart
Broken and beautiful, beautiful
Come as you are
Surrender your heart
Broken and beautiful

That's one of my favorite Christian songs - "broken & beautiful".

When you are broken, it is often difficult to think of that process as being a beautiful one. When you are broken, it is very hard to look to the masterpiece that the mess will soon become. People are afraid to be broken; it hurts to be broken. It's not a typically fun thing to go through. But it is necessary.

I've felt broken a lot at times. There have been some broken things in my life over college; broken friendships, broken dreams, broken plans at times. One of the hardest things to see though, is watching someone else go through that process; someone you love and care for. And you know that they have to experience it, and there's nothing you can do to fix it.

However. When the pain of the brokenness has been lifted, and you can look at your life and see how God has taken the broken pieces and created this beautiful piece of art that is your life, something more beautiful than you could have ever created on your own - it makes it all worth it; all the pain, all the tears, all the frustration.

To be broken, is to truly be beautiful in the eyes of God. Being willing to be broken before your Savior is showing God that you truly surrender all of yourself to Him to do as He pleases. It's showing Him that you trust Him with your life, and that you know that whatever He decides to take away, give you, whether it be joyful or painful, you know it will be for your good, and will utimately bring glory to Him.

See, Christ came to earth and he became broken for us. There is no better picture of "broken and beautiful" than the cross and the Savior who died upon it. He came down to earth, knowing that He would have be broken, and knowing that He would have to be broken because of our sins. Thank God that He chose to be broken for us. Thank God that He chose to let God bring Him that pain - so that we could have life with Him forever.

It may hurt to be broken; it may be hard to swallow our pride and allow God to do His work in us and to be completely surrendered... but when we take that brokenness and allow God to do what He wants with our lives and we give ourselves to Him... it's also incredibly beautiful, don't you think?



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXut0HxncvY (God's Chisel video - so good!)

Some habits are hard to break...

Some habits are just so hard to stop. Even when you know it's wrong, or you know there's no point to continue doing whatever it is you're doing.

For me, it's anxiety.

And I wish I knew why this is a struggle for me. I dealt with it a lot over the past year or so and every time i'd get anxious I'd try so hard to talk myself out of worrying. It's very hard though.

One thing though that has made me grateful about this struggle is that it causes me to call out to my Savior even more. When I'm worrying/anxious the very first thing I do is pray. Pray for God to calm my heart, pray for God to help me trust in Him, pray for God to help me understand that it's HIS timing and not my own.

Even though it's wrong to worry, and it's something that I need to try to overcome, in a way, it has been a bit of a blessing in that regard. Sometimes things look scary or bad or upsetting, but when you really look at what God is teaching you through it, or how He is using it to grow you, you can look back and see that it's not so bad after all; in fact, He has most likely given you that worry or struggle or fear to somehow bring you closer to Him.

And if that's the case... then whatever it is we are facing... is worth it.

"I may not have all I need, but I know God is taking care of me"

That quote that you see in this title is a quote from a new friend that I made yesterday. Her name is sonya. You may not thing much of this quote, or feel that there is any reason to look at it at length or digest it.

However. There is something you must know about my new friend.

She is homeless.

Sonya is an older black woman in her late 50’s, maybe early 60’s, and she just smiles this smile where you know that her life has been touched by none other than our Savior, Jesus.

First, let me explain to you how I came about meeting her. For Fuel, our 18-24 yr old young adult group at church, there is a ministry called “Feeding5000.” It is a ministry started by a man named Jim at my church and the Lord just put it on his heart to reach out to the homeless in a city very close to us, Philadelphia. Each week, Jim makes 150 meals, pays for them out of pocket (which costs about 128 dollars each week) and goes in to Philly and hands out these meals.

This Saturday I decided, I wanted to go. I have always had a heart for homeless ministries and it always irked and just upset me whenever I would hear phrases like, “Homeless people are just drug addicted people” or, “the only reason one is homeless is because they’re irresponsible drug addicts or alcoholics.” Even when I was very young, I knew that there HAD to be homeless people that did not fit those stereotypical assumptions. And yesterday, that proved to be true.

When we got there, since Jim has been doing this every Saturday since July, there was already a line of about 75 people or so just waiting for the food we were about to give them which would probably be their only meal of the day, or even weekend. After passing out the food, we stayed in the park for about an hour, and passed out New Testaments and “Our Daily Bread” devotionals and were able to pray and just talk to these people. That’s what really stuck out to me… these are just people. Just like you and me, people, with names, with stories, with families. I met Sonya. I met Jim. I met a homeless veteran named Anthony. I saw a pregnant homeless person. I had to tell a mom and her three precious children that we had run out of food and watch the sadness in their eyes when they heard they were too late. Turning down food for those children was the hardest thing I had to do that day.

Ever since returning from Philadelphia yesterday, I cannot close my eyes without seeing their faces. It truly brought to light the verse that says, “Whatever you do for the least of these my brothers, you do unto me.”

Sometimes it can be so easy to judge, or to not care… ‘out of sight, out of mind.’ But being a part of the body of Christ, we can’t let this issue be that way. Because God DOES see, and he DOES mind that his children are without food and shelter. He DOES care. We serve a mighty God, a mighty God who loved us with a love that we cannot even begin to comprehend. And if we have accepted that love from Him, than we know that we are to pass on that same love to others.

And when you do, when you see someone in need and offer a listening ear, when you see someone hungry and in need of a meal, when you see someone who is alone and gently remind them their Savior is always with them… not only will God be smiling down on you, but you will be so blessed in return.

If you would like to find out how you can help this amazing ministry, please let me know, and I would be more than happy to help you in taking part in feeding God’s children of Philadelphia.

Undeserved Love.

Do you ever think and reflect on what God is doing and just well up with tears? Tears of gratefulness, tears of relief, tears of seeing how God is changing people? Or especially, tears of knowing that God has loved you so undeservedly, and blessed you beyond measure?

That's me right now.

I am just sitting, reflecting, looking back and looking at my life now and being filled with excitement for the future. Sometimes I just want to kick myself for what little faith I have in my awesome God. Going into this summer, I had no idea how I was going to make any income... it was driving me crazy. Nothing was coming together. That is, until I threw up my hands and completely 100% gave it to God. Now, I have a job as a youth intern and have been getting called like crazy to babysit.

After a year of only being able to ask God, "Why?" with tears of frustration because I couldn't understand why things were happening, I am now seeing and being reminded yet again, that God is faithful. God is providing for me. It's not our place to always know the will of God. All I know is, God is growing me and stretching me in so many wonderful, painful, and beautiful ways. It is so exciting.

This summer is going to be amazing. God has given me this wonderful opportunity to bring out 2 girls that I graduated with, to church and to our college group. (which was tonight) I am leading a small group at Fuel, (college group), helping with different childcare needs for the church, feeding the homeless in Philly and making prayer bracelets for prostitutes in Camden...the list goes on with how many people we at Fuel can help. It has been showing me that HERE is exactly where I'm supposed to be. Here. At home. With these people. Reaching out to this community. Not in Princeton where I so desperately wanted to be just a few short months ago. But right here.

God is providing. God is keeping His promises just like He said He would. God is changing hearts and lives, right here in Medford... and it is such an exciting thing to see, and all I can do, is sit back and thank the Lord for reminding me just how amazing my Savior truly is, and allowing me to be a part of what He's doing here these next few months.

I can't wait....

...until July 16th :) My best is coming to see me! it's only for 4 days and we have like 1,000 things we wanna do while she's here but we're excited!

also can't wait til I can say, "I've lost 20lbs!" (joined a gym and started dieting ha)

can't wait to go to the shore with Amanda and her family for 2 whole weeks!

Can't wait for a family reunion in PA (yeah I know I'm weird, I like family reunions ok?)



Lots to look forward to!!

Mold me

I have officially been home a week now (as of yesterday). And I am starting to see little reasons as to why I didn't get that 'dream' job with that autistic boy this summer. It has become so evident that this is where I am supposed to be during these next three months.

2 sweet girls who are new to church, have asked me and Katie if they could do a bible study with us. They are so eager to know more about this faith that we have - it makes me so excited! They are searching for truth and it is a beautiful thing to see. it's beautiful because they think the way to find satisfaction and this Truth that they are searching for, is in God. And they're right.

It's so easy to get frustrated by disappointments in life. So easy to lose your trust in God that He's working all things out for your good... especially when the things He's supposedly working out are painful. But then today when I was with these 2 girls and Katie, and we saw just how much they were glowing talking about this new concept of God, and church and faith, it just made me well up with excitement. Even when things are disappointing or upsetting, I can't forget that God is good, ALL the time! He will provide me with everything I need, and I can rest in that. I don't have to worry.

I am so excited to see the journey that God takes these girls on this summer, and me as well. I want my love for God to deepen, my heart for the lost to expand and my desire to know the Word grow. I am constantly amazed at what God is teaching me. I love the analogy of God being the potter and of us, His children, being the clay. Being poked and prodded and molded is painful sometimes. But what joy it must be for God to look up every now and then at His work and see how beautiful it is becoming. And that's the exciting thing - He won't be finished molding us and growing us until Christ comes back!

I heard an old song on the K-Love radio station yesterday, and these lyrics are what I want to live by this summer...

And I, I'm desperate for You. And I, I'm lost with You, Oh Lord.

I pray that I would live a life that shows that I am desperate to know my Jesus, that shows that I am completely lost without Him. Mold me however you want to, Lord. Just make me into the woman that You want me to be!

Home...

...finally!!

This is my third night at home. And I'm so glad to be back! I got to see little Amanda yesterday. I went on her bus to get her off and she looked at me, and then a big grin began to form on her face - and my heart just melted. She is a constant reminder that special education is what the Lord has called me to do in some way.

It's always a little weird coming home at first...I still feel like I'm going to go back in a week, back to the daily grind of papers, tests, late nights... but it's not the case! It hasn't really sunk in yet. I miss my friends but tomorrow I get to start seeing all my friends here that I haven't seen since either Spring break or Christmas! I just love being home. It's familiar. It's comfortable. It's full of people I know and love and miss terribly when I'm at school.

I've been reading since I got back...for FUN. I forgot how much I really loved reading...i haven't been able to read whatever I wanted whenever I wanted in such a long time! So i'm soaking it up :)

I'm so glad to be home... to just rest, relax, spend precious time with people who mean the world to me. I'm excited to see what God does this summer, what His plans are for me and what He wants me to do. (Whatever it is - I hope it includes having a job!!)